I know I've been talking a lot lately about shitass parents, but as I explore and let go of all the ways my own parents were complete and total shitasses, I can't help but notice the same terrible qualities in the parents I have had the great misfortune of knowing throughout the years. This doesn't exclude the total shitasses I know now, mind you. Shitass parents are everywhere. Today's topic isn't parents who abandon their children in a park to go get their drink on or parents whose lack of common sense led to the mauling of their infant by raccoons. It's not assholes who smoke around their kids or mamas who dress like whores either. I'm gonna have a little come to Jesus post about no show parents.
Be forewarned.
I'm a gonna judge like a motherfu#ker up in this bitch.
Before you go gettin' all butt hurt about this, I'm not talking about single parents who work hard to get it all done. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to do everything we do with our kids plus work plus take care of a home all on your own. I am soooooo not talking about the single parent who simply can't clone him or herself to be everywhere at once. I get that. Being a single parent makes it hard to be there for every single thing your child is doing and I am not judging you. I get that some folks are single parents on purpose and some folks are single parents on accident, but whatever... the key word here is parent, not single. Do you get what I mean, friends?
And I'm not talking about the parent that has an emergency and there was that one time they were late to get their kid or the one time they couldn't make a performance or the one time they forgot something. That shit happens. That shit happens to me and to everybody else. I understand. No matter how hard we try, life is messy and we end up missing some important stuff, but not on purpose and/or we feel like total asshats about it.
This is the bullshit I'm talking about. You don't know how many times I have had to sit up at school because some piece of shit parent is an hour or more late to pick up their kid after a rehearsal or a football game or anything really. If that bus ain't takin' that kid back and forth to school- awwwww, hell, forget it. Such total and complete bullshit, right? The parents roll up into the parking lot and stop like 20 feet from where we're standing with their embarrassed child and then, wait for the kid to walk out to them. You know why? Because somewhere, deep down, they know they are pieces of shit.
This is what REALLY gets me. The parent who simply won't adjust his or her schedule to accommodate their children's activities. What douchbags. What tools. What shitasses. You can't be bothered to wait in the goddamn parking lot for ten goddamn minutes, so your child can walk right out of rehearsal and get into your car? You would rather make your child wait at school for an hour, holding another family hostage, because you can't get your lazy ass off the couch, off the phone, out of a meeting, out of the salon for your child? Seriously?
This leads me right back to where I always end up when I get pissed at shitass parents. Why did you have kids if you are going to treat them like they don't matter to you? Like the things they do aren't important. Like you have better things to do but be present- even if it means being present in the motherfu#king parking lot on time. Why do I end up being a better parent to YOUR child than you are?
What the fu#k were you thinking when you told your 14 year old daughter to just wait in front of the school as it was getting dark? Who the fu#k would think that this is in anyway okay? Like she's got some invisible force field emanating from the school, protecting her from pedophiles and creepy ass jerk faces who troll schools after hours for just such opportunities. Aren't you always protecting your children from predators who are looking for such opportunites?
This is what REALLY gets me. The parent who simply won't adjust his or her schedule to accommodate their children's activities. What douchbags. What tools. What shitasses. You can't be bothered to wait in the goddamn parking lot for ten goddamn minutes, so your child can walk right out of rehearsal and get into your car? You would rather make your child wait at school for an hour, holding another family hostage, because you can't get your lazy ass off the couch, off the phone, out of a meeting, out of the salon for your child? Seriously?
This leads me right back to where I always end up when I get pissed at shitass parents. Why did you have kids if you are going to treat them like they don't matter to you? Like the things they do aren't important. Like you have better things to do but be present- even if it means being present in the motherfu#king parking lot on time. Why do I end up being a better parent to YOUR child than you are?
What the fu#k were you thinking when you told your 14 year old daughter to just wait in front of the school as it was getting dark? Who the fu#k would think that this is in anyway okay? Like she's got some invisible force field emanating from the school, protecting her from pedophiles and creepy ass jerk faces who troll schools after hours for just such opportunities. Aren't you always protecting your children from predators who are looking for such opportunites?
Let's assume for a minute that no Creepy McCreepertons are lurking about, waiting to grab your child. Let's just focus on how bad your kid feels because he or she is the last kid to get picked up after calling your sorry ass fifty million times and begging you to please, come on and get them from school. Seriously? They don't ever stop being your child. Y'all get that, right? Just because they look like little grown ups, doesn't make them any less dependent on you. YOU are responsible for your kid. Not me. Not the school. Not the police. Not the neighbors. YOU. Show up on time and get your child. Pretend like you care for just a millisecond about your kid. Now, imagine how he or she is feeling as they stand there, waiting for you. Can you even do it? I doubt it. Piece of shit.
If you could imagine how bad your kid feels when you leave them at school, quadruple that and then, multiply times one million. This is how your kid feels when you don't show up for a performance or a game or whatever else he or she is doing. It could be a spelling bee or a bake sale or a goddamn swap meet, but you wouldn't know because you can't make it to a single goddamn thing your kids do. You are invisible. You're a ghost. You don't even exist in your kid's life.
The problem is these things don't matter. They matter to your child, but that isn't good enough for you. I've had parents tell me they just aren't "into" music. SERIOUSLY?! Well, guess what, asshole. I'm not into soccer, but my 12 year old is. You know where you'll find me when she's on the field? I'll be on the sidelines, cheering her on. Not into what your kids are doing? Fu#k you. That is the most terrible thing I've ever heard. Including baby mauling raccoons.
You know what's heartbreaking? Every year, my husband has to stand in for some piece of shit parent on senior night. Seriously. Every motherfu#king year for the past 15 years. Doesn't that break your heart? The kids walk out under the stadium lights, right on the 50 yard line with their parents, and are recognized for four years of service to football, cheerleading, and band. Can you imagine not having a parent think enough of you and what you've done? Can you imagine making that walk with your band director because your parents are such total losers that they can't be bothered to be there? Wait. The kid is the one who feels like the loser. You know this, yes? You understand that you make your kid feel like something must be wrong with him or her because you are invisible.
The problem is these things don't matter. They matter to your child, but that isn't good enough for you. I've had parents tell me they just aren't "into" music. SERIOUSLY?! Well, guess what, asshole. I'm not into soccer, but my 12 year old is. You know where you'll find me when she's on the field? I'll be on the sidelines, cheering her on. Not into what your kids are doing? Fu#k you. That is the most terrible thing I've ever heard. Including baby mauling raccoons.
You know what's heartbreaking? Every year, my husband has to stand in for some piece of shit parent on senior night. Seriously. Every motherfu#king year for the past 15 years. Doesn't that break your heart? The kids walk out under the stadium lights, right on the 50 yard line with their parents, and are recognized for four years of service to football, cheerleading, and band. Can you imagine not having a parent think enough of you and what you've done? Can you imagine making that walk with your band director because your parents are such total losers that they can't be bothered to be there? Wait. The kid is the one who feels like the loser. You know this, yes? You understand that you make your kid feel like something must be wrong with him or her because you are invisible.
What gets me the most about the no show parent is that they do just enough to fly under the radar of social services. They are feeding their kids and housing their kids, but they are doing the bare fu#king minimum. They are more like roommates than parents. I assume that once the kids are at home, they pay just as much attention to them as they do when they are engaged in afterschool activities. I mean, they aren't going to suddenly become involved behind closed doors, right?
I hate your faces for being such bastards to your children. I wish I could smack you every single time you don't act right. I seriously wish I could just walk up to you wherever you are instead of being with your child and bitch slap you. SMACK! and then, I'd tell everybody who'd listen how your kid is playing a concert right now, but you're grocery shopping because you aren't "into" music. Or how your kid is helping earn money for a trip you know nothing about, but you're too busy watching some bullshit show to be involved.
I. Hate. Your. Faces.
I am often reminded of this quote from the fabulously funny and extremely well written movie Parenthood when I encounter shitass parents. Now, it's a line delivered by Keanu Reeves while playing a character named Tod, but don't hold that against me or this movie. "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father." Indeed.
I'll be back on tomorrow, ranting about shitasses who leave their kids in cars, use their kids as shoplifting mules, and starve their kids as punishment. Peace, B.
I hate your faces for being such bastards to your children. I wish I could smack you every single time you don't act right. I seriously wish I could just walk up to you wherever you are instead of being with your child and bitch slap you. SMACK! and then, I'd tell everybody who'd listen how your kid is playing a concert right now, but you're grocery shopping because you aren't "into" music. Or how your kid is helping earn money for a trip you know nothing about, but you're too busy watching some bullshit show to be involved.
I. Hate. Your. Faces.
I am often reminded of this quote from the fabulously funny and extremely well written movie Parenthood when I encounter shitass parents. Now, it's a line delivered by Keanu Reeves while playing a character named Tod, but don't hold that against me or this movie. "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father." Indeed.
I'll be back on tomorrow, ranting about shitasses who leave their kids in cars, use their kids as shoplifting mules, and starve their kids as punishment. Peace, B.
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